I was in a hot tub. The only sound was the jets. The air in the darkened room was cooled by Winter entering the sliding doors that opened to the deck. The surrounding large windows overlooked the inky woods. Snowflakes glistened in the floodlights as they danced with gravity to join many others that preceded them. It had been snowing all day.
I thought about the last few days hanging out with my nephews at my sister’s house. I was in charge. My kids are female and mostly grown. Male teenagers are a different beast. I didn’t choose that word casually. I’m laughing AND serious.
Fisher (12) and I meditated and did yoga together. One morning while attempting Happy Baby pose, he wondered aloud how I could contort my body when, in his words, I am “ancient.” We laughed and agreed that he would skip yoga and be my “accountability buddy” for meditation. Race (14) avoided both of those activities without apology. I appreciate his directness. Instead, we enthusiastically watched Michigan beat Ohio.
The three of us played a lot of hide-and-seek in their vast basement. Flashlights were our light source. I also carried a toy chainsaw with sound, just realistic enough for me to feel oddly safe. There was a lot of terrified screaming. Mostly me.
Today I suggested we go on a sleigh ride through the woods. I had memories/intentions of the make-believe adventures my daughters and I created. I thought maybe we could go for a quiet ride along the trails in the Gator. The next thing I knew, the kids were rigging up a board to pull behind the Gator and gathering helmets and other safety gear. I could see it wasn’t going to be a slow or quiet adventure. When one is ancient, one has an excuse to escape. I opted for a walk through the woods instead. It was a lovely break that I didn’t realize I needed.
While I walked, I noticed the bits of color and the delicate snowflakes balanced on the branches. It was subtle. More than once, I was taking pictures and bumped the branch or plant, knocking the snow to the ground. The beauty was fleeting. I think my awareness in the woods was similar to my time with the boys. It was more focused than usual.
Day to day, hour to hour, I tried to listen. I tried to say yes. I tried to be open-minded, open-hearted and thoughtful in response. I did my best. A few times, I told them to text their mom a picture of the situation for approval. Her response was ALWAYS laughter.
I felt bossy, unreasonable, loved and appreciated multiple times each day. The boys thanked me for meals while bickering about who would help clean up. Of course, they both helped. I think the bickering is a well-established routine. It makes me happy that they are themselves around me.
In the end, their willingness to be themselves was the beauty of our five days together. I was open and they were themselves. We got to know each other. How often do we really get to know someone?
“I’m going to bed. I’m right downstairs if you need me,” I said last night. “Okay. I’m right up here if you need me,” Race replied. I was unexpectedly emotional as his words saturated my being.
That’s family and love and the ultimate support. Roles shift slowly over time. I am not in a hurry, but looking ahead, I am confident that a solid foundation is set. My heart is full. ❤️