Yesterday I had the great honor of marrying friends that I adore and believe in, as individuals and as a couple. Initially, the plan was for a quick small ceremony outside of the church in which the bride’s grandparents were married 73 years ago. They asked me if I would do it and I enthusiastically agreed.
I had never performed a wedding ceremony but know people that have. I knew I could figure it out. I weave words and cherish love. I embrace and celebrate being single, but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love and recognize it when I see it. I kinda love love.
Officiating a wedding has never been on my bucket list. I am not a public speaker. Like many people, I get lost in a jumble of racing anxious thoughts in front of a group. I lose track of the words that I string together at a velocity that induces internal fever like confusion. I am generally left with no memory of the words I released into the world. And let’s not forget, everything is recorded in 2021, so one’s memory will certainly be jogged, repeatedly and forever. <shiver> I can easily talk at length about things that excite me one on one, though. Five people on the porch of a church sounded manageable and fun.
I can’t tell you how we ended up inside the church with full pews. I know it was incremental. It makes me think of the fable of the frog. If she is placed in boiling water, she will immediately jump out. If she finds herself in tepid water and the temperature rises slowly, she will stay and die. I realize I am being dramatic. But you get the idea? I would have never agreed to perform a ceremony for a church full of people. But that is what it evolved into. And I wasn’t nervous. I wasn’t nervous and that made me nervous. What if nerves struck all at once on the day of the wedding? I have never had an anxiety attack but have seen enough to understand that it would be hard to play the role of a grounded guide leading two single people to wedded bliss if I couldn’t breathe.
I spoke with my wise friend, Michaela, who has officiated many weddings. She said, “You aren’t nervous because this isn’t about you and they can’t do it without you. You will step into the role and do the job.” Those words rang true. The night before the wedding, I honed and rehearsed the ceremony. I found extra meditation time too. I never did get nervous. In the end, my only fear was that I would become overwhelmed with emotion. I held it together until I pronounced them husband and wife, then I choked on my love and hope for them. My eyes welled up with gratitude for being invited to participate in their lives in such a profound way. And finally, laughter bubbled out for the opportunity to make their dream come true.